Inside the game

If I were Isaiah Thomas, I’d buy out the contracts of half of my roster, don a grass skirt and start dancing the hula.

If I were Pat Riley, I’d curl my hair, sport an afro ‘do and trade my sleek Armanis for a track suit.

If I were Kevin Garnett, I’d start sulking in one corner and refuse to play until I have my little request completed.

Allen Iverson is on the trading block and I would do everything to make sure his next uniform will be that of my team.

Forget the tattoos. Look past the corn rows. Never mind that he has dueled with coaches before. He hates practice? Who cares?

Allen Iverson is the one player who checks into every NBA game with one thing in mind. Win.

He defends with the tenacity of a wild animal guarding marked territory. He takes over games offensively the way Michael Jordan once did. He plays with a passion that would make the most ardent lovers look boring.

He’s a headcase?

He’s misunderstood.

Allen Iverson wanted a trade out of Philadelphia not because he could no longer stand the rules that seemed to stifle his personality. He wanted a trade out of Philadelphia because the rules that stifled his personality did not work towards the 76ers goal of winning an NBA trophy.

Now, the 6-0 guard out or Georgetown has a shot at finding a place where he can fill that one last blank in his storied 201 file.

An NBA ring.

He can get it in the next team he joins. Guaranteed. For as long as certain conditions are met. One, that the team had gone to the playoffs last year and either made it all the way, made it deep, or was booted out only after a struggle against a tougher, higher-seeded opponent that had more material than it had. Two, that the team doesn’t have to shell out too much material to acquire him.

Or, he can take the next team he plays for to the playoffs, stay there two more years and wait for it to develop into a championship contender.

Like New York for instance.

Iverson’s work ethic (okay, okay, I’m referring to games, not practices) is a perfect fit in a blue-collar  New York fan base that’s sick and tired of watching Thomas trying to build a championship-caliber squad akin to the City’s beloved Yankees—by ballooning the payroll to proportions so sinful, a priest would cross himself at the sight of it.

Here’s the problem: The Knicks do not have contracts enough to convince the Sixers to deal with them, just long-term pacts that would cram any team’s salary cap and make it face luxury tax problems. But it doesn’t take a stadium-full of accountants to figure out a solution to that problem. Buy them off.

Buy off the contracts of Steve Francis and Stephen Marbury, two Iverson-sized guards with Iverson-sized egos and games the size of Iverson’s nuts. Keep the young big men, deal off the rest of the roster and add AI to the mix.

Pat Riley has already voiced his interest. And the Heat will definitely improve on its chances to repeat if AI’s around.

Magic Johnson sees a problem here:

“You still got Shaq, you still got Wade. Then he comes in,” the wires quoted Johnson, 47, as telling reporters Thursday before  addressing high school students in the Bronx as part of a campaign to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS.

 “It’s going to be a tough situation because he’s used to taking 30 shots a game. He’s not going to get 30 shots. So will he accept that? And will the other guys accept him being there and dominating the ball, because Allen still needs the ball to be effective.”    

Hello. For all the accolades about him making his teammates better, Magic Johnson also needed the ball to be effective.

You think Shaq will veto any decision to bring AI in? You think AI, once wearing a Heat uniform, will mind stepping aside and let Wade do his thing first? For a chance to get out of Philadelphia and play for a team that will appreciate his presence and put him in a position to win an NBA ring, Iverson would gladly suffer Gary Payton’s loud mouth.

Kevin Garnett, who once hinted that the Timberwolves need another star to help carry the team into the promised land, need not look far.

Iverson’s a better sidekick than Ricky Davis, the ex-Boston Celtics guard whose offensive skills are shadowed by his tantrums.

See, Iverson has got tantrums, too. But his game talks more than his temper does. And he has a passion for winning. Remember that only one person actually volunteered for a slot at the US national squad that finished third in the last World Championships.

Right now, every team in the NBA not wearing a Dallas or San Antonio uniform needs help. And in a fitting twist of fate, The Answer is right out there.

Go grab him now. Ask questions later.